At a secret meeting to be held sometime before noon today, the board of the Scottish Prison Service will confirm an audacious bid to buy Butlins in Skegness.
The original plan was meant to have purchased Butlins in Ayr but the SPS board had not realised that this had been shut since 1998. It is now predominately a caravan site that would be unsuitable for their use.
An SPS spokesperson stated: “This is an ideal and wonderful opportunity for the SPS to embrace the Chris Grayling agenda. It is a privatisation that will help address overcrowding within the SPS estate, it will provide an attractive new dimension to the range of facilities that we operate, and since everyone thinks that a modern day prison is like a holiday camp it will also keep down the dissent.”
“People are sent to prison as a punishment. Even though the facilities include a free fun fair, swimming pool and various eateries, we propose to have compulsory attendance at Karaoke sessions where participation is mandatory. We firmly believe this is the way to instil transformational change in individuals” they added.
A spokesperson for the Prison Officers Association said that the idea was “interesting” but they remained to be convinced if their members would welcome the change in uniform. “We think the change to a red coat could be like a red rag to a bull. We would need to seriously think about balloting for strike action if this was to become a serious option”
The Scottish Government Cabinet Secretary for Justice was not in a position to confirm or deny the story.